Chad: Hey everybody we have a brand new DEATH BATTLE! T-shirt on the Screwattack’s/Rooster Teeth’s store. Head to store.roosterteeth.com and you guys can pick one up. It’s a great way to support the show. (Cues: Wiz & Boomstick – Brandon Yates) Boomstick: If my ex-wives have taught me anythin’, it’s that there’s no real limit to crazy. Wiz: Like Carnage, Marvel’s dangerously insane psychopath. Boomstick: Or Lucy, the messed up murder lady from Elfen Lied. Wiz: “Elfen Lied (Leed)”. It’s German. Boomstick: Yeah, whatever. He’s Wiz and I’m Boomstick. Wiz: And it’s our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win… a DEATH BATTLE! Cletus Kasady didn’t have the chance to be a well-adjusted adult. Because his entire family was already crazy. While Cletus was just a boy, his father got sent to jail for killing his mother. Boomstick: Which he did because she had tried to kill Cletus. Wiz: Which she did because Cletus had tortured and killed her dog, Fifi. Boomstick: Well, go Mrs. Kasady! All dog murderers deserve death, even if they’re eight! Right, Jack Spaniels? Jack Spaniels: (barks) Boomstick: Good boy! Oh, and uh, Cletus murdered his grandma, too. ‘Cause, eh she’s kind of a bitch. Wiz: He didn’t stop there and wound up burning down his own orphanage. Years later, he was finally arrested and convicted for 11 murders. Boomstick: You mean the eleven murders they knew about! Wiz: But while in prison, Cletus found that he wasn’t alone. In fact, his cellmate just so happened to be Eddie Brock. Boomstick: Who you may know is that creepy guy covered in black ink called “Venom.” Wiz: That “ink” is actually a symbiotic alien known as a Klyntar. This symbiote bonded with Eddie, transforming him into a powerful and violent rival for the friendly neighborhood Spider-Man. Boomstick: But what Eddie didn’t know was… It was PREGNANT. (laughs) Time to go out for cigarettes, Eddie. Wiz: Well, symbiotes actually reproduce asexually. When Eddie became Venom once again, the symbiote sort of… oozed out its spawn, and left it there. Boomstick: Just like me and my dad. Well, this new symbiote immediately attached itself to Cletus. But, unlike the Venom one, it merged through a cut on his skin, creatin’ this…suit made out of blood. Eww. That doesn’t seem sanitary. Wiz: And together they became… Carnage. Boomstick: A fittin’ name for a psycho mass murderer. Cletus and his new symbiote quickly got up to what they knew best: creatin’ Maximum Carnage. Remember that game? It was great. Wiz: And with his new superpowers, he was a vicious force to be reckoned with. He has the same superhuman strength, speed and durability as Venom, and supposedly even greater. Like a Venom 2.0. Boomstick: He can shape-shift to make all sorts of killer weapons like axes, swords and spikes. He can even rip those weapons off himself or launch ’em at his victims. Have you ever tried rippin’ your fingers up and throw ’em at people? ‘Cause that it just kind of what Carnage does. Wiz: The symbiote can also reach out with dozens of chaotic blood-soaked tendrils. Perfect for strangling the people he doesn’t want to see anymore. With a single touch, Carnage can infect a person with a portion of his symbiote. Controlling or torturing them at his leisure. He has unbelievable regeneration, and even if somebody finds a way to disable the suit, the Carnage symbiote lives inside his bloodstream, and can come back out through something as meager as a paper cut. Boomstick: Also, the symbiote literally sees everythin’ around it. It’s kind of like wearin’ a suit made of eyeballs. Wiz: But let’s say you’re able to dodge his projectiles, outrun the tendrils and get out of sight from the eyeball suit. You’re still not safe. He will catch you, because he can sprout wings and fly! Boomstick: WHAT THE HELL?! Since when?! Wiz: Since realizing that shape-shifting is a really, really useful ability. Boomstick: So he’s able to fly, he’s totally aware of everythin’ around him and he’s full of blood? This guy’s like a giant mosquito of death. Wiz: Uh… Sure. Carnage has said he’s at least 10 times faster than the average man. But that’s pretty modest, because Venom has shown he can move fast enough to catch up to a bullet… after it’s fired, and Carnage is frequently shown to be as fast or even faster than him. This puts Carnage over 1,500 miles per hour, over twice the speed of sound. Boomstick: He’s lifted at a 50 ton tank and he can overpower Spider-Man, who’s best supported strength feat was liftin’ that giant machine thing that that weighed as much as a 1965 locomotive. Wiz: Which would put it around 130 tons. Boomstick: And you know those weird tendril things crawlin’ around his body? When he wanted to find a missin’ journalist in New York, he climbed to the top of the Empire State Building and just stretched them all out over the city. Wiz: He found her by this coastline, and this building nearby looks a lot like the Consolidated Edison Plant between 14th and 15th Street. That’s about 2 miles away. Boomstick: And as a thank you for savin’ her, she shot Carnage in the head. Well, fine, save your own ass next time, lady. Wiz: Ehh, he was fine. Carnage’s durability doesn’t come from a sturdy build – instead, his form is malleable and somewhat fluid. Technically, his human body still exists somewhere in that massive blood flesh and writhing tentacles, but even when he’s hit by a train, struck by missiles or blasted apart by a tritium bomb, he can always just pull himself back together. Boomstick: So long as there’s a piece of him still around; given the size of that blast, it looks like Carnage survived a blast worth 125 tons of TNT. Wiz: Very impressive. Also he once smothered and survived a gene bomb designed to wipe out all of humanity except mutants. Boomstick: He’s even survived being ripped in half and throw it into space. Seriously? What kills this guy? Wiz: Well he does share the same weaknesses as other symbiotes. Namely extremely loud noises and heat. Boomstick: Well, until he traded the sound one for a weakness against some Cthulu lookin’ magic. Wiz: Carnage has been through a lot, but with two minds as one, he always gets back up to keep doing what he loves. Boomstick: Murder. Murder. And y’know… More murder. Carnage: Carnage is… CHAOS!!! Wiz: There are some mysteries the world holds. Which no one is meant to know. Everyday something, somewhere comes ever close to destroying everything you hold dear. One such secret is the Diclonii. Boomstick: Ah, no big deal there just a race of crazy people who want to infect human beings to make more Diclonii and then wipe out all of humanity. Oh look at the cute little horns. They look like kitty ears. Wiz: To accomplish this the Diclonii would have to rely on their queen. Kaede better known as Lucy. Boomstick: Luckily for everyone some important people figure this out and captured her. And now it’s time for your only warning. Wiz: Right Lucy’s methods… Let’s just say they’re not for the faith of heart. Boomstick: And let’s also say that those lucky important people were ’bout to get very… Very unlucky. JESUS CHRIST!!! What’s happenin’!? Wiz: To truly understand let’s take a step back. As an infant Lucy was abandoned by her parents and left alone to suffer a life of constant discrimination. Boomstick: It was the horns wasn’t it? Wiz: Right even the average kid hates growing up in an orphanage but it was specially painful for her. Boomstick: Until she found a stray puppy and decided to take care of it. That adorable little critter and her became best friends. And then the other kids from the orphanage went out and beat it to death. And force her to watch. Well no shit she wants to kill everyone. Go ahead Lucy tear up those little bastards. Oh. Damn. Wiz: This was the first time Lucy unleashed her psycho kinetic vectors. As a Diclonius queen Lucy is meant to use these vectors to infect ordinary human beings with the Diclonius virus. Boomstick: Oh but she uses ’em for so much more. Wiz: For simplicity sake think of the vectors as invisible arms which can sprout from Lucy’s back. Boomstick: Lucy can use up to 28 vectors with a normal range of about six to seven feet. When she gets really serious her horns grow and the vectors get way longer. And stronger. Wiz: She can vibrate her vectors at different frequencies and each level of vibration has different effects. Boomstick: Kind of like that thin’ that my ex wife had on the nightstand and that I thought was one of those crazy pens. Wiz: At low frequencies her vectors can pass through objects with no effect. At a medium frequencies the vectors become solid like extendable hands. While still completely invisible. These can be use as shields and lift heavy objects. Boomstick: Oh man If I had those things I be messin’ with people all the time. Like tying their shoes from across the room. Also since this seems to be a thing in this episode. She can fly. Wiz: It’s not really flying. She’s just lifting herself off the ground. With the third frequency Lucy turns her vectors into invisible blades. These can cut through people and bend metal. Boomstick: And with the last and highest frequency Lucy gets explosive. No really… At this level they finally become visible and can strike with enough force to detonate. Damn! They don’t call this chick the Queen for nothin’. Wiz: Unfortunately, Lucy is not always in control of what she does. Turns out she has developed several alternate personalities. Boomstick: Yeah, gettin’ shot in the head can do that to ya. Wiz: That injury specifically created Nyu a passive almost childlike persona which exists as a coping mechanism for Lucy’s trauma. As Nyu Lucy would finally find friends and began forging a path toward hopeless redemption. Boomstick: Unlike her third personality the so called DNA voice which constantly whispers in her ear that she’s got a job to do. Kill them all Lucy before they hurt more puppies. Ooooooh I’m spooky DNA. Wiz: She could do it too. Lucy’s fast enough to block bullets from a point-blank range and once she actually saved herself from a bullet after she had already been shot. As in while the bullet was traveling between her skin and her heart. Boomstick: It looks like she’s getting shot by an MP5 which fires bullets at nearly 900 miles per hour. Wiz: With her body type the distance between Lucy’s skin and heart is less than an inch probably around 2.4 centimeters. Given the bullet speed and the distance her vector would have to reach from her back before the bullet hit her heart. Her vector had to move nearly 1,900 miles per hour. That’s over twice the speed of sound. Boomstick: She can throw a pin through a guy’s skull. Brutal. And even toss this giant boulder. When compared to this guy Bando whom we know is 6 feet tall. We can determine the boulder weighs about 75 tons; her vectors are also tough enough to block a missile from the Air Force. While the exact model of missile is unspecified. It is fairly large and likely an air to surface type. Boomstick: I bet it’s one of the Air Force’s S.L.A.M.’s or Standoff Land Attack Missile. Built off the back of the Navy’s harpoon missile. In fact, the harpoon is used against a different Diclonius at one point. So this beast slammed into her vector at 500 miles per hour with a 1000 pound explossive yield. And it didn’t even faze her. Even without a vector shield she survived a pretty nasty explosion herself. Though it did knock her out. Wiz: Impressive. But how about the time she punched through an island. A strike literally compared to nuclear fusion this kicked up a 100 foot tidal wave and a 9.2 magnitude earthquake. A level so high there’s only been four comparable quakes ever recorded. Boomstick: Her vectors can be as wide as buildings and reach into outer space. Except that’s ’bout when Lucy reaches her limit. Wiz: Right as a Diclonius Lucy has a few severe weaknesses. Her vectors can be nullified if she’s struck in the forehead. Or if one of her horns are broken. Boomstick: Also if Lucy pushes herself too hard she starts to melt. Kinda like ice cream out in the Texas sun. It’s not pretty. She’s just a big puddle of goop. With a face. But she still a total badass even at her meltiest. Wiz: While suffering agonizing pain she was capable of single-handedly halting a massive military threat while healing and protecting the person she loved most. Perhaps redemption wasn’t so hopeless after all. Boomstick: Hey, let’s watch her kill some more people. Wiz: Alright the combatants are set. Let’s end this debate once and for all. Boomstick: But first you’d be crazy not to get in on this deal. Wiz: By now, you’ve probably heard of Blue Apron the leading meal kit delivery service in the US. Boomstick: But did you know about all the different kinds of delicious foods you could make? Like the Honey chipotle glazed chicken with poblano and lime rice. Wiz: There’s plenty to choose from since they offer 12 new recipes each week. All you have to do is choose the two three or four that sound best to you and they deliver it right to your door. Boomstick: Plus, it’s super simple to cook. It’s got easy to follow instructions and perfectly proportioned ingredients. They’re non-gmo and the meat has no added hormones. My favorite part is feeling like a master chef makin’ creative and delicious meals with my own hands. You guys really need to try it out. Wiz: It’s pretty nice coming home knowing I’ll have a delicious meal I can whip up with these. Boomstick: So check out this week’s menu and get your first three meals free at Blueapron.com/Battle. That’s Blueapron.com/Battle to get your first three meals free. But right now, IT’S TIME FOR A DEATH BATTLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Nyu: Nyu? Carnage: RUN! Announcer: FIGHT Huh? What gives?! Lucy: Die. Carnage: (laughs) Not yet! Lucy: (gasps) Carnage: What are you?! Why can’t I hit you?! Catch! 🎵It’s raining.🎵 🎵You’re bleeding.🎵 🎵CARNAGE IS STARVING!🎵 Lucy: Get back! Carnage: I’m gonna paint you red!! Lucy: Does it hurt yet? Don’t worry…. I’ll put you out of your misery. Carnage: I hate you. Announcer: KO Boomstick: First those kids at the orphanage then Cletus. Lucy really hates dog killers. And for good reason. Wiz: Carnage was a challenging opponent. It was incredibly difficult for Lucy to deal any lasting damage against him. Boomstick: He had the durability advantage in the bag. Though Lucy fighting as a puddle proved she could take a lot of pain and keep on fightin’. Sadly Carnage came up short in pretty much everythin’ else. Wiz: Right Carnage was tough but not invincible. Even his surviving that gene bomb isn’t quite as impressive as it sounds. Since he had no other feats to even remotely back a planetary level durability and the bomb was more akin to a biological weapon anyway. While Carnage’s tendrils could pass speed’s of Mach 2 Lucy’s vectors once reached into outer space. By timing her accompanying monologue in comparing the longest vectors length to the curvature of the Earth it’s clear she reached over 2,400 miles in 20 seconds max. Boomstick: Way longer than Carnage’s 2 mile feet. Wiz: All this means her vectors were moving at least 440 thousand miles per hour more than 500 times the speed of sound and 250 times faster than Carnage. Boomstick: Good luck gettin’ past that. And this was really the biggest hurdle. With Lucy’s redonkulous speed and Carnage’s healin’ powers it all boils down to one thing. Who could hit the killin’ blow first? I mean Carnage could respawn from scraps. So the only way to beat him for good was to totally vaporize him. Wiz: And Lucy had the perfect answer to that. Remember that time she had an island so hard she caused a 9.0 magnitude earthquake and a 100-foot tall tidal wave? Such a feat would require an enormous amount of 31,000 tons of TNT. Similar to the bomb that hit Hiroshima. Boomstick: It’s literally compared to nuclear fusion in the Elfen Lied manga. Wiz: “Elfin Lied” it’s German. Boomstick: (mocking Wiz) The point is in order to beat Carnage for good Lucy needed to totally obliterate him and she could do that. Wiz: The heat produced within the initial impact of a nuclear explosion can reach temperatures up to 180,000 degrees Fahrenheit. More than 18 times hotter than the surface of the sun. And to top it off… Heat was Carnage his biggest weakness. Even if Lucy’s explosive force was just a fraction of this it would still have been far too much for him. Boomstick: She just needed to smack him before he could power through her vectors, which chances were pretty slim for that happenin’ anyway because there’s a bunch of ’em and they’re so damn fast. Hittin’ Carnage with a big explosion punch was way easier. Wiz: Cletus and his Symbiote may have had the endurance but Lucy’s spaceworthy speed, overwhelming presence and nuclear strength won the day. Boomstick: She dumped the Carnage needed for a total “vectory” and took the “Lied.” There I said it right Wiz happy? Wiz: The winner is Lucy. Sam: Thanks for watching and if you enjoy the fight you can get a FIRST membership and watch our commentary by clicking that box over there. Ben: Thank you Chad. And if you want the battle music from this episode you can get it in the link in the description below. You’re not Chad.