FOOD TRIP: Seattle, Portland, San Francisco, and Los Angeles

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Do you like delicious food? I am not talking about expensive food. I am talking about the stick to your ribs, kind of make you fat, greasy, delicious food. Of course you do. So we are going on a roller trip from Vancouver, all the way down to Los Angeles. And we are going to show you some of the best food that the West Coast has to offer. You ready? Let’s go! Breakfast! Pancakes the size of my boobs. I guess that only works if you have big boobs. Look at this. This, this is life, right here. That is divine. Hey, look at that. Oh my God! That and the combination of butter. Wow. Oh my God, that’s great. That is GREAT. Unfortunately, at Jethro’s, they don’t serve any pancakes. They only serve PANCAKES! I think they literally are bigger than your face. It’s sweet and salty. We are about to have the trifecta of Canadian food. We’ve got steamies, Montreal smoked meat sandwiches and poutine. Oh my God! Back in elementary school, they had hot dog days. Same buns, same sausages, same mustard. This is childhood regular, I remember this now. You have unlocked the memory for me. Dad. You and I, this is how you used to babysit me. Memories, childhood! I like how you say your daddy used to babysit you as if he wasn’t a prominent figure in your life. Oh my God! THE best poutine I have ever had. And you might get poutine elsewhere that has white gravy bulls**t on that. Martina: We are not talking! Simon: No! Poutine has brown f**cking gravy! Simon: That’s poutine. Martina: Right? Simon: We have to hold our hearts, just like this guy. Suzzie: Oh, Canada…. *snickers I love that! Suzzie: That’s it? Simon: That’s it, you got it! Simon: You have got it, you’re Canadian. Suzzie: *sing* Oh, Canada… It’s time for some Biscuit Bitch! And, that’s okay to say on camera because it’s actually CALLED Biscuit Bitch, so it’s not really like a curse word. This is the Straight-up Bitch. This is the Cheesy Pork N’ Bitch. This is the Smoking Hot Bitch. Smoking Hot Bitch! And this is the Canadian Bitchy. Simon: Oh my God, look at– (Martina: Wow! ) –all this cheese and bacon! Oh, man! The biscuits! They don’t fight back at all. They just sacrifice themselves for the greater good. Biscuit, sausage, jalapeno, cheese and gravy. Oh my God! This one right here, guys. This one is a lot better. Peanut butter and bacon. Is that bacon? And maple? This is totally insane, this piece is totally insane. Simon: I can’t believe that this actually– Martina: –Exist in the world. Holy shi*! Oh my God! This is the winner! Really? Oh my God! Get your hand out of there! Oh my God! Get your — Move your hand! I wanna eat some! That’s unbelievable! That’s unbelievably great. Oh my God! Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. This right here, is the best chowder in North America, supposedly. Literally, chowder is my favorite soup in the world. Martina: I believe I can fly… Simon: That’s literally the best shot I have ever had in my entire life. Really? Better than Maggot’s No! You betrayed my Canadian sign (?) Oh my God, this is better than what we had in Maggot’s It’s so good because it has like this bacony flavor to it. It’s creamy but it’s not like heavy creamy. It’s because we are in a market so they probably have the freshest fish available, right? Simon: Wow. Martina: Uh oh. Oh my God! Stressed out? I’m angry This is literally the best chowder I’ve had in my entire life. I’m so happy we aboard on this trip. I am not getting on the plane back home. I am done. Video over. Seattle is finished! So I got the Lobster Mac N’ Cheese with roasted garlic inside of a bread bowl. It’s bread, that’s hollowed out and made a bowl and people eat out of this, in this country and I am amazed by it The smell is coming out of the kitchen. Yours smells so fragrance Yup, I was definitely tempted by the Ethiopian food because of the smell. I was definitely temped by the macaroni n’ cheese in the bread bowl. With lobster. Oh, yeah That good? Oh yes! What am I doing with my life? Ducky! Oh my God! What is that? A napkin? I don’t know! It’s a meat napkin! No, I think I am supposed to– Wh– I don’t even know what these things are! These are supposed to be spicy lentils. I feel mine is way too healthy, though. You know what to solve that? A Mexican hot dog! Jalapenos, tomatoes, onions… Your hot dog wrapped in bacon. (o.o) Your/My hot dog is wrapped in bacon. I repeat: My hot dog is wrapped in bacon. Wow! Why have I never wrapped my hot dogs in bacon before? This is so much better than the regular hot dog! Do you want to keep some of that in your mouth or not? I think it’ss time for us to have a deep fried oreo– Nope! Not now! I’ll do that take in five minutes! Lessons learned from Simon! Wow… That is burning. *5 minutes later* I have heard about these and I am so excited to finally try a deep fried oreo. In what American history book did you hear about this? You know, it’s a George Washington, like in his homies where all do in hits of deep fried oreo (?) Simon: Ah… Martina: 3, 2, 1! I pledge allegiance to the United States of America four scores and seven years ago. (=”=) What else is in the pledge? Uh, Texas… That’s great, isn’t it? You are not having — Simon! Put that back in! Why?! Suzzie need to have a deep fried Oreo! What Suzzie doesn’t know won’t hurt her. We are here at Voodoo Doughnuts I’ve got a doughnut with bacon on it. Oh, Simon. I feel those two things don’t go together! Oh my God! Yes, it does go together. What’s on the top of that? Bacon! I have got the Mic Min Mell Maple Mabab. (It’s called the MacMinnville Cream doughnut, guys, I googled it) And his mustache does not look very mustachy. Look at that cream! Hold on– I want some of your cream! Look at all the cream! Don’t you be a creamy bitch! Martina: Don’t be a creamy bitch! Imma be a creamy bitch! Did you just call me a creamy bitch? Simon: Share with me! Oh, I don’t know, Imma eat this. You know, I think it’s time we get some music up in here! I got this! Martina: It’s my song! Simon: Oh yeah, girl, where is my jam! (???)

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