A 56-year-old single woman
in real estate made an ad looking for a date,
that will run on TVs and taxis
all over New York. Let’s take a look. I have managed to sell
billions of dollars worth of New York City real estate,
but the one thing I haven’t been able to get done
is to find a wonderful, single, divorced dad to remarry. So if you’re a gentleman
with a kind and generous soul, and you love your mother, but
you still don’t live with her, and can appreciate
a 56-year-old, fit and fabulous woman,
feel free to give me a call. -I… I mean…
-(laughter, cheering, applause) Who is her representation? I want to hire her. -She’s good, yeah.
-Yes. -Oh, she is cute.
-She should try to sell herself the same way she sells houses. -Yeah? -Like, “It’s an old
colonial fixer-upper.” Uh… -“There’s alread…”
-Oh! Oh! -“There’s…”
-She… “There’s already been
a renovation on the face. -“There’s a…” -CUOCO:No!
She’s actually really cute. -“There’s a lot of room
in the basement.” -Sheiscute. -She’s adorable.
-Yeah, she-she’s… And desperate–
the two best skills to have. -CUOCO: Uh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
-SPADE: You know… Yeah, an actor. We do that
all the time. Let her do it now. -Auditi… She’s auditioning.
-SPADE: I did an ad a long time ago
I’m sort of embarrassed about. Are you 25 and hot?
Call me. ♪ Bee-boo-bah,
boo-bee-bah-bee. ♪ (laughter) -If you’re 25 and hot?
-(applause and cheering) I don’t remember what I said. -♪ Bee-boo-bah,
boo-boo-boo-boo. ♪ -Yeah. -That’s the hook.
-Another joke you love. No, honestly, uh,
she should date an I.T. guy, because you hear how loud
that disco music was -in the background.
-Yes! Tone that down, but I think
this girl is gonna do fine, because, uh, she just posted
this update of her video. (laughter) “Thank you.” -Those are wieners. Yeah, I
know. -One of my favorite GIFs. -We got to use it.
-I use that all of the time. -Yeah, so, she’s 56.
-SPADE: Mm-hmm. -White woman, blonde…
-SPADE: Yup. …looking for a newly-divorced
single father. And I know a guy
who’s as divorced as they come. -His name is O.J. Simpson.
-CUOCO: Yeah. (laughter, groaning,
applause and cheering) Single as a shingle. He’s on Twitter.
They can do a quick… (clicking tongue)
They can meet. Other dating news– a lady in
England got married to her dog. -You heard about…
-I’m loving this. -So, uh, look at his face.
-I’m… He’s like, “Oh, my God,
I should have signed a pre-pup.” -(laughter)
-Should have signed a pup-nup. -Jim, do they have dogs
in Australia? -We do. Australian sheep dogs. I think’s is nice.
Like, can you imagine the amount of peanut butter
that’s gonna be used on their first night.
You know, like… -It’s a dirty joke. -The good
thing… The good thing about marrying a dog is,
when you (bleep) it, you do get to say,
“Do you like that, bitch?” -(laughter)
-Just got to… Fair. Fair. I would marry my dog. It’s the longest relationship
I’ve had, so, I owe it to him, -to be honest with you.
-SPADE: You have all… You like horses, too. Do you
like horses or dogs better? -I like them all equally, but..
Yes. -Okay, good. -Smart answer.
-CUOCO: Uh, right? -If you bang a horse,
you have a ride home. -Yeah. -SPADE: Aah!
-(Cuoco laughs) JEFFERIES:
True. -That’s a thinker.
-Yeah. -Yeah, but if you bang a dog…
-I like that. …you have a friend afterwards
to talk you down, so, it’s… But she did marry
man’s best friend. -CUOCO: Yes.
-So, that does, to me, sound like every country song
you’ve ever heard. -SPADE: Yeah.
-CUOCO: Yeah. ♪ My ex married my best friend
and I miss him. ♪ -Beautiful. -That’s a dog.
-And the chances are is, the dog will die before her,
so she’ll get all the money. You know. He’s on to something.
He’s on to something. -He had the top hat.
-He’s obviously very wealthy. He has a top hat. Look, he’s like Mr. Peanut. -He’s, like, a distinguished
dog. -He’s very distinguished. This is… just came in. Uh,
he’s already cheating on her. CUOCO:
Oh.Oh!-With the couch.
-Ugh. -The c… couch.
-With the edge of the couch. JEFFERIES:
You know what, though? So stupid.