we have a lot going on, as well, because they’re balancing
Super Tuesday, rightfully so,
with coronavirus. -Yes.
-You did a coronavirus piece. You turned it around
very quickly. Personally, there was
more information in that than I’ve been getting
a lot of other places. -Okay.
-When did you make the decision to do a coronavirus deep dive? Because you didn’t
have a lot of plans. -I guess the answer
to that is, like, it was — it was atypical for us,
’cause we decided relatively early in our week, and we have
something else planned, but, occasionally,
there are weeks when, if we have something
very timeless and maybe dry, that we’ve been working on,
like, something like — we’ve done mobile-home financing
in the past. There are certain weeks, like —
I don’t know — this week where
it’s a little harder to say, “I know that coronavirus
is spreading across the world in borderline pandemic fashion, but I really need to talk about
mobile-home financing.” [ Laughter ] It’s a really hard sell
to be like, “You need to? You need to or you want to?” in a needlessly
contrarian manner. So, yeah.
So, we decided at the start of our working week, and so
we crashed it pretty quickly. -And how do you feel right now? Do you think that we are
suitably panicked? Do you think
we’re over-panicked? -As people?
-Yes. -It’s on
a person-to-person basis. -Yeah, okay.
-It depends. On a scale of 1 to 10,
it depends what your regular level of panic is
on a good day. -Yeah.
[ Laughter ] -Me, I’m at
a regular 6 or 7. -Yeah.
-So — So this, you probably have to go up a notch
from wherever you were. -Gotcha.
-But not too much. That’s the thing.
You got to try and balance. Basically, just don’t be
an idiot either way. -Yeah.
-Yeah. -My wife is a very germ-averse
to begin with. -In general, right?
Before this happened. -Right, whereas I’m not.
-Yeah. -So, I think
most of her stress — -You love germs.
-I can’t get enough of them. [ Laughter ] -Just looking
for super immunity. -Yeah.
-Licking poles on the subway. [ Laughter ]
-That’s the way I feel. -“I’ll never die.”
[ Laughter ] -I feel pretty strong
about that. I feel like my —
But that’s the thing. She’s always calling, and she’s
like, “Where are you?” And I’m like, “I’m at dinner.”
She’s like, “No, you’re not. I can see you outside.
You’re in the gutters,” yeah. [ Laughter ] -“Are you in Times Square again
inhaling around Elmo?” [ Laughter ] -So, yeah.
I think her bigger concern is, like, what I’m gonna bring home
as opposed to her. -Yes, that’s fair.
-Yeah. -I think that everyone’s gonna
have to wrestle with their darkest, stupidest instincts.
-Yeah. -When my phone went off with
that news alert yesterday of someone — now there’s a case
in Manhattan — A woman has got coronavirus,
and she’s self-isolating. There was that initial
split second of, “Where is she?” [ Laughter ] -Yeah. -I’ve never kind of reached
for a flaming torch that wasn’t there.
And then I shut that down. I shut that down
like a human being. But there was that split second
of, “Burn her.” [ Laughter ] -I also feel —
I’ve always felt this way — -I hope you’re fine.
-Yeah, yeah, of course. [ Laughter ]
-I hope you’re fine. -I think that goes
without saying. -I realize,
in self-quarantine. -Yeah.
-And we shouldn’t burn her. -Yeah.
[ Applause ] We actually do —
Our ratings are almost best — The demographic
we do the best with are people who self-isolating.
-Shut-ins. That’s right. That’s right.
So far, the emotional shut-ins. That’s why I like this show.
[ Laughter ] -I also —
you know that thing where — And whenever someone
gives you a stock tip? By the time it gets to me,
it’s too late. -When does anyone
give you a stock tip? [ Laughter ] Seth,
I know you’re a busy guy… -I always have lunch
at steakhouses. [ Laughter ] Exclusively. I take a full three-hour
steakhouse lunch. No, but, like,
even when you see — Like, I can’t believe
when people watch like CNBC or, you know, that —
-Yes, right. -If you’re watching the news
at a guy saying, “Buy this stock,” it’s too late.
-Yes. That’s right. -I feel the same way about when
people say, “Stock up on rice.” -Yes.
-Like, by the time I hear it, the rice is gone.
-That’s right. [ Laughter ]
No question. -Yeah.
-No question. If ever advice is going out,
you know you’re walking into the Duane Reade
that has empty shelves. -Yeah.
[ Laughter ] -Like, if I went now,
I’d come back with, like, one orange Gatorade.
-Yeah. -It’d be like, “It’s all
they had left, honey.” -Yeah, that’s right.
I don’t think — yeah. For the stock-market offer,
you know, basic human hygiene, I’ve never moved fast enough.
-Yeah. [ Laughter ] No one has ever given me
a stock tip. -You know, I really now —
I shouldn’t have told you ’cause when they give me
the tips, they’re like, “Obviously, don’t tell people.”
[ Laughter ] “Don’t tell
the other talk show hosts that we’re giving you
these sweet, sweet tips.” -I just don’t know how I’d react
if a stranger came up and said, “Do you want a stock tip?”
No! [ Laughter ] Leave — no. And if a friend told me,
“Would you like a stock tip?” I would say, “We’re finished.”
-Yeah. [ Laughter ] -A stock tip.
-I give people John tips, where I go,
“Don’t tell him about stocks.” -“He doesn’t
want to hear about it.” -Obviously, before your show,
you were on “The Daily Show.” -Yes.
-You were — You came — You famously came from England. [ Laughter ] You had a show.
-Was this a big give-away? -Yeah, yeah, yeah.
-I’m an American citizen now. -No, congratulations.
-Thank you. -Yeah.
[ Cheers and applause ] You were on a show — You were on a show
called “Mock the Week.” -I was, yes.
-And this — [ Cheers ] People know it.
[ Laughter ] -There you go.
It doesn’t seem like you get a lot of positive feedback
on “Mock the Week.” -No.
[ Laughter ] I don’t remember
any at the time. [ Laughter ] Where the [bleep] were you
a decade and a half ago? [ Laughter and applause ] I was — I was — I was driven to this country by
complete national indifference. [ Laughter ] -But here’s a photo. You had a different look
and a different style. We found a screen grab
for “Mock the Week.” There you are.
-Yes. -That is a different
John Oliver. [ Cheers and applause ] -Sure.
You can — You can turn that sound
into applause eventually all you like,
but we all heard the collective, “Ohh!”
[ Laughter ] We all heard the
instinctive response there. -Yeah.
-That is a lot of look. -Yeah.
-It feels inconsistent. -It is really —
That was a style of shirt that was on racks for a very
short period of time. [ Laughter ] -It’s almost like one of those
Olympic sprint cycling helmets. There’s so much depth to it.
-[ Laughs ] -And, yes, I don’t know
what material that is. It looks like a kind of
leather curtain. -Yeah.
[ Laughter ] Did you enjoy doing that show? -Can you —
What does my face suggest? [ Laughter ] Not my happiest.
-Yeah. -Not my happiest time. -Well, you’ve turned it around
in both show and fashion. -Oh, what a lovely way to
tie a bow on this conversation. [ Laughter ]
Well… -There you go. No one wraps it up
like this guy. John Oliver, everybody.