Thank You Notes: New York’s Ban on Plastic Bags, Nail Clippers

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-I was running a bit behind
today, so I thought, if you guys wouldn’t mind,
I’d just like to write out my weekly Thank You Notes
right now. Is that cool with you guys?
[ Cheers and applause ] Thank you. James, can I get some Thank You
Note-writing music, please? ♪♪ [ Laughter ] ♪♪ Ah. Such a good mood
all the time. -Yeah. ♪♪ What? ♪♪ -Thank you, CDC telling people
not to touch their face, for being a great way
to get millions of Americans to want to touch their face. It’s like…
“Wait. What?” -Nyah! ♪♪ -Thank you, self-quarantining
if you feel flu-like symptoms, or, as that’s also known,
Netflix and chills. -Ahh. Come on. Come on. ♪♪ -Thank you,
Democratic candidate field, for having more drop-outs
this week than a 7:00 a.m. spin class the morning after
St. Patrick’s Day. [ Laughter ] [Irish accent] “I don’t think I
can make the class, my friend.” -[Irish accent]
“I’m a bit busy.” -“Yes.”
-“Brutal.” ♪♪
-Thank you, New York City, for cleaning the subway
with bleach every three days… or, as murderers put it,
“Thanks for the heads up.” [ Laughter ] [ Cheers and applause ] [ Imitating suctioning ] ♪♪ -[ Laughing evilly ] ♪♪ -Just wanna say hi. -Achoo! -I didn’t know you were
gonna do “Schwinn!” [ Laughs ] Going to that acting class
is really paying off. [ Laughter ] ♪♪ Thank you, New York’s ban
on plastic bags. Well, well, well, I guess
saving 900 plastic bags under my kitchen sink for
ten years finally paid off! ♪♪ Schwinn! [ Applause ] ♪♪ -Thank you, nail clippers, for allowing me to cut my nails
and cut a bitch. -Ooh! [ Laughter ] [ Cheers and applause ] ♪♪ -Schwinn!
-Schwinn! ♪♪ -Thank you, daylight saving being the time
we spring forward, for being the most positive way
of saying “screwed out of
another hour of sleep.” There you go, everybody.
Those are my Thank You Notes.

89 comments

  1. β€ΌοΈπŸ”” abracadabra gilli gilli chhu, i am singing on my channel , subscribe me tooπŸ˜‚πŸ˜€ >> #gaanaholic in the world of people like deadly virus, spreading some smiles

  2. I have a really quick massage to you guys.
    I am Reza Rahimi from Afghanistan.
    I am about to create a youtube channel like mr beast and help my people in my country cuz there are millions of people in my country which need help
    My videos are not English language but help me just for humanity just think about those people that are in war and dont have anything to eat help me because of them.
    I don't want money
    The only thing matter to me is to make people happy
    Thanks for give me the time
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    Subscribe my channel to give me opportunity to make a better world β™₯️

  3. This skit is soooooo old and played out. The music, the way Jimmy writes and dumb look on Jame's face hasnt been funny in YEARS!! By far the worst segment of the week

  4. Thank you James for breathing a huge sigh of ( here we go again) before playing the thank you notes music

  5. You know American is doomed when they care more about banning plastic and straw then fixing homeless,proverty problem in California ECT… πŸ€¦πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

  6. Dear DST. If you don't want to be hated so much… start at 4pm on a Friday so we get off early and don't lose an hour of our werkend.

  7. After the CDC warning, I am starting to wonder if the β€œCone of Shame” wouldn’t be more effective than a surgical mask.

  8. Acting Classes??? you could of least pretended to write on paper rather than wobble a pen around in the air & assume your audience is stupid.

  9. Thought for Today :
    "One is easily fooled by that which one loves."
    – MOLIERE
    French Actor- Playwright (1622-1673) AP
    Courtesy: The Asian Age Kolkata Friday 13 June 1997.

  10. Tweeted
    Always Give Thanks β€οΈπŸ˜³πŸ˜›πŸ˜πŸŒ»πŸŒ„πŸ’πŸŒΊπŸŽ΅πŸŽΉ
    @FallonTonight
    #ThankYouNotes 3/6/2020
    https://youtu.be/T2eHyr4qfmA

  11. All these famous people and politicians know what time it is. If there is a future we want it now! No more harmful UNNECESSARY plastics. We can make some real changes, and have some true growth if we work together❣️

  12. BRO YOU ARE NOT EVEN WRITING, PS WHAT PRECAUTIONS WOULD YOU TAKE EVEN YOU GET INFECTED BY COVID?πŸ˜β“βœοΈπŸš«

  13. 1:37–1:42 SCHWINN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

  14. Hawaii also has a stupid ignorant insane plastic bag ban at stores. That way, food poisoning is certain as folks reuse cloth bags fof meat, chicken, produce etc. A study recently proved that plastic washed up on our beaches didnt even come from Hawaii !

  15. DONT LICK THE ENVELOPE JIMMY
    I WAS DYING AT HOME SHOUTING SO YOU COULD HEAR!!! LOL
    don't do it Jimmy plz we need u!!!

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